the basic message #E228

3/14/04

Malachi 2:16

"I hate divorce," says the LORD God of Israel

Divorce is a blight on our society, and it will get worse before it gets better.  In our instant gratification world, divorce is seen as the "quick fix", although we all know that's a lie.  I remember a lady I used to work with and the day her divorce became final.  She was high-fiving people at work like she had won the lottery, but later that day I saw her crying.  The tears weren't tears of joy, rather they were tears of a woman who watched a 10+ year marriage go down the drain.  There are many causes of divorce, but for every reason to get a divorce, there are probably 5 reasons to stay together.  If the couple has children, that's the best reason to stay together, but the public has been brainwashed into believing that divorce is really better for the kids than to have parents that fight.  Guess what?  Those same kids are going to hear their new step-mom or step-dad fight with the custody-holding parent, so what difference does that make? 

Know what's really sad?  The divorce rate among Christians is now slightly higher than that of
"the lost".  What a sad commentary on the lack of effectiveness of our modern Christian church.  As long as a growing number of pastors keep getting divorced, the congregation will see nothing wrong with the practice either.  An overweight doctor won't ride you much about losing weight, and a chain-smoking doctor won't get on your case about your smoking, so why would you think that a divorced preacher is going to find anything wrong with you getting a divorce?  The whole thing stinks, and I'm totally fed-up with lightweight pastors like Charles Stanley that condemn divorce completely until they get one themselves.  Stanley once said that he'd step down from his huge church if he ever got a divorce, but once he did get a divorce, he changed his tune.  So not only is Charles Stanley a divorcee, he's also a liar.  But wait- is anyone trying to oust him from the pulpit?  Heck no, they need a flawed leader to help justify their own weaknesses. 

No one wins in a divorce case, but the woman comes out on the shorter end of the stick every time if she has children.  Imagine this scenario:  A 30 year-old mother of two gets a divorce and has custody of the children.  What are her prospects for finding a good man to marry?  First of all, finding an available man in her age bracket that isn't a divorcee will be difficult, so she'll have to be ready to accept flawed merchandise.  If, for some reason, the guy is still single at 30, that should send a message too.  If he's managed to stay single for 30 years, he's either got some serious hang-ups, or he just likes living alone.  Either way that spells trouble for her.  She is already hindered in the dating game simply because she has to care for her children.  If she's a good mother, she's going to be home with her kids at a reasonable hour- not camping out at the new boyfriend's house.  If a guy has the choice between dating a single woman with no serious obligations or a woman with children, guess which one he will gravitate toward.  If he's divorced, he's probably even more likely to favor an unattached woman, simply because he's already reminded of child-support each month when he writes the check. 

It's been proven that divorced people will often gravitate towards someone very much like their original spouse.  It would seem to me if you bang your head against a steel post and it hurts,  if you bang your head against the same post tomorrow it will hurt once again.  I do indeed know of a few people who are happy in their remarriage, but that's rare.  Ever watch "Everybody loves Raymond"?  Ray's parents, Frank and Marie, fight like cats and dogs- much like many of the older couples I know today.  It seems strange to see couples that fight like that celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary, but it's really pretty common.  Why is it common?  Because that generation knew that it was better to stick it out than throw in the towel.  Sadly, I'm seeing more and more couples who survived 40 or 50 years of marriage getting divorces now, and I think it's because the whole stigma of divorce is gone. Make no mistake, friends, the stigma is still very present with God as illustrated in Malachi 2:16.  I was very surprised that a Jehovah's Witness came by my house a couple of years ago, and offered that divorce was fine as long as adultery was involved.  He cited Matthew 19:9 as the foundation of his belief, but Jesus talked about divorce in the Gospels of Mark and Luke as well, and no exemption for adultery is listed.  If Jesus is recorded saying that remarriage is okay in the event of adultery in one passage, but two more don't mention the adultery exemption, which would you believe?  I'd certainly tend to take the two passages over the one without hesitation.  Need more?  Protestants, especially Southern Baptists, love to hold the words of the Apostle Paul in high regard.  Paul had something to say about divorce as well:

1 Corinthians 7:10-11

To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband.  But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband.  And a husband must not divorce his wife.

The Lord, as quoted by Paul, clearly says that if a divorce does happen, the woman must remain unmarried or only remarry her husband.  Although the "husband" line was tacked on, I think the implication is that the husband must remain unmarried as well.  The divorced among you will be scrambling for another passage from 1 Corinthians, so let me save you the trouble:

1 Corinthians 7:15

But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so.  A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace.

There are thousands of Christians who got divorces based on this passage, and that's clearly allowed according to Paul with an important exception listed in verses 12 and 13.  While it is indeed difficult for a believer to live with an unbeliever, notice something that is clearly absent from Paul's exemption: remarriage.  Go back and read and re-read what Paul said, but you won't find any clearance to remarry (other than to the original spouse).  I've heard remarried Christians say that "God wants a believer to be happy, therefore it's okay to remarry".  I haven't heard one of them provide chapter and verse for this belief, so until then, I'd say they're on dangerous ground. 

Divorce, like so many other things that hinder God's Kingdom, has become common in the Christian church and there is no relief in sight.  I realize that I'm drawing a hard line on divorce, but in reality, I'm just reporting what God said.  I find it tragic that the right-wing Christian movement in America can blast homosexual marriage as being an "abomination to God", yet when it comes to the 50%+ divorce rate in the heterosexual community, they get very quiet.  Christians need to understand that in the same measure that they judge others, they too will be judged.  Sometimes when I take a hard line on subjects like divorce, I wonder if I would "change the rules" if I ever became divorced.  I can sit and wonder about that all I want, but one thing is for sure- I have no power to "change the rules", only God does, and he hasn't changed them yet.

One last piece of advice for those of you who are skilled at theological hair-splitting: If you want to fall back on the concept that "Jesus died for my sins, so if it's a sin to remarry, that sin is covered under the blood of Jesus Christ", please answer one question: How can you repent of that sin?